on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
