I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
