He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
