I think I won the penis lottery.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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