I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
