And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
