I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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