**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My liver just broke up with me...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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