my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We need to get me chipped asap
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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