mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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