Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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