as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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