Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
