There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
