it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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