I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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