I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
