she was so not down for the gang bang
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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