What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
