An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
