Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
