I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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