Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so that wasnt chicken after all
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
