Where are you?
In a non slutty way
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
