We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
