Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
