I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
