Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
