Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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