Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
