Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
