so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just found puke in my bra..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
