this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
