That's intense
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
