i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just blew my weed a kiss
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
