I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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