Ambien. No doubt about it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
