Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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