Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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