i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
