I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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