Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
