This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
