He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
