Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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