I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
