If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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