i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Floor bacon is actually really good
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