I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
