a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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