im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
