Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
