Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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