A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
