Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
